Been struggling to write this match report for the 0-0 against Stoke City. Mainly because I don't want to re-live it and force you into reading a deconstruction of the misery we witnessed. That and the fact that my time is better spent washing my eyes out with bleach. The world was meant to end on Friday. There was a point in the game that I actually hoped to see the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse ride into White Hart Lane with Famine tapping his watch and apologising for the shoddy time-keeping. No such luck.

The end of days. Was meant to be yesterday. But perhaps the apocalypse doesn't actually kick off until 3pm on Saturday afternoon when Stoke visit White Hart Lane. Then again their football is hardly comparable to the intricate Maya civilisation. It's medieval at best.