Things you will never see...
Christian Eriksen score directly from a free-kick
Dembele gliding past three players, running towards the penalty area with the opportunity to score, then not stopping to play a sideways past
A heatmap showcasing how many flirtations Chirpy has attempted pre-match
An empty Victor Wanyama back pocket
N17 High Road signs signalling Sunday closures due to bus parade for Europa League parade
Bloggers and podcasters at White Hart Lane
Tottenham's Player of the Season 2017/18: Moussa Sissoko
Tea but no biscuits at the next THST meeting
Mauricio Pochettino failing to cite philosophy in a press conference
Vincent Janssen nonchalantly flicking the ball past a keeper, celebrating before it rolls over the line
Vincent Janssen kicking the ball in the direction of the goal
Vincent Janssen kicking the ball
Vincent Janssen
@SupaYidGoToAllAwayGamesWellArd saying anything positive about his team because all his social media mates are edgy and don't like getting fizzy over football because that's what the proles do
A Twitter indirect
Daniel Levy and Florentino Pérez whispering sweet nothings to each other, honeymoon suite, 50 Shades on the telly
Paul Mitchell's black box used for anything other than a doorstop
Ben Davies in fancy dress as Danny Rose at the next club Christmas party
An affordable bagel at the new stadium
A brick at the new stadium
A £30M Argentine footballer in a Spurs shirt
Tottenham finishing above...ah...I can't bring myself to say it...
...B*llocks...
Tottenham finishing above the scum
